Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
