it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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