hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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