we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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