Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
