Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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