I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
