I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
