Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
