he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They took my balls.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
