Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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