fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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