One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
