It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize