I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
