So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
