It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can't motorboat a personality
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
