i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
