My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
