I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
