She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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