i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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