did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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