I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
