i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
