I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your penis caused this!
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