Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
