So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
