and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
