I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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