When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
