y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
