i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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