Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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