hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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