he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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