no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
