I feel like I'm in dance class right now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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