We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The adults are the big ones right?
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