Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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