She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
