Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
