Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
