I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
