Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
