I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just cropdusted the office
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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