his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize