the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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