lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
