Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
