you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
