Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i have two assholes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
