you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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