I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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