I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
