i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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