I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize