The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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