DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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