omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
farters have to be the big spoon...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
