in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
