We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
