i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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