Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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