seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
