You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
